DAY 8: WRITE ABOUT SOMETHING THAT’S A STRUGGLE FOR YOU
Last month I moved to a beautiful secluded apartment … in the mountains … with a creek … in the middle. of. no. where. I love it here! It reminds me so much of Maine. And with the exception of the bears I keep running into, I’ve decided that I was perhaps made to live in the middle of no where. The one drawback (or benefit, depending on how I choose to look at it) is that I’m spending a whooooole lot more time in my car.
Last night, as I was making the long trek home through the dark winding country streets, my thoughts turned negative. I drove with the windows down and music loud (my favorite way to drive!) and despite the fact that I was coming home from a fun day with friends, I just felt blue. I started thinking of the things I don’t have that I really, really want … and it led to tears. (Not good when you’re driving down unlit roads with deer!)
I pulled into my driveway, shut my car door with a bang and couldn’t help but notice the sky. The stars were amazing! I glanced up for a moment, but then went inside determined to just sleep off my sadness.
I looked in the mirror as I was taking off my makeup and suddenly it dawned on me that I was failing. Really, really failing. For a long stretch of time, I worked hard on gratitude. I focused on it daily. I wrote in my gratitude journal. I talked with my friends about the things that made me happy. And there I was, mascara streaks down my face … completely devoid of gratitude.
Well, not completely.
But I realized right then that I’ve lost my focus.
So I wiped off the mascara, grabbed my blanket and pillow and went outside. It was chilly. And late. But I climbed up to the roof of my car (and if I’m being honest, I have to say that I slid down the windshield once and fell off … but I won’t focus on that ; )) and curled up below the insanely amazing starlight sky. I lay there and talked to my father. And I promised him that I’d work on my focus.
It made me remember the time that I promised him that if I could just walk again … I wouldn’t ask for anything else ever again. Well, that was nearly 10 years ago … and I can walk. I can run. I can play. All with no pain. But lately I’ve forgotten that I couldn’t. And I keep asking and asking and asking without enough thanking.
I’ve got water to drink. Clean water.
I’ve got a home to live in. Friends and family who love me. AMAZING memories from all the different things I’ve done with my life so far.
A faith that is solid.
Chocolate. I have lots of chocolate : )
True, there are things I don’t have that I’ve wanted for a long time … but I have so, so, so much to be grateful for. All I have to do is remember to focus on it.
The photo above was taken in the pond in Maine when I was 15 with my childhood dog Biscuit and my grandmother and aunt. My aunt passed away suddenly when I was 18, and to this day, I still wear her sunglasses. They’re getting kind of scratched, so I can’t see through them too well, lol. But every time I wear them, I think of her floating in the lake and it makes me happy : )
p.s. Did you book your fall mini family photo session yet? ……………………. Kate Callahan is an on-location photographer who LOVES to capture authentic memories for families. She’s available for weddings, senior photos, child photo sessions, and family photography. Kate works with clients throughout the Hudson Valley, NYC, Delaware (and the tri-state area), and beyond. She also writes motivational books for photographers. Find them at Dear Female Photographer.